Dagelijks Leven, Gedachten


HopeSoon it will be three years since I moved back to the Netherlands to study. I remember how I felt excited. One reason was that after more than a decade my Father had revived this old dream to study economics and business. But another the reason why I felt excited was that I hoped that this time, now that I had returned to my own country and people for at least a few years, I would maybe find someone to love and run with for the rest of my life. A comrade. One that exposes my selfishness and sharpens me like iron, yet whose closeness in covenant relation would give me a chance to learn greater heights of loving and being loved.

But it didn’t happen. And previous times when changes were coming it didn’t happen either. Nor did it happen after living here for some years. All that seems to happen is more waiting, and more hope deferred. I’ve moved often and travelled often, yet still almost every time when I see a change coming or am about to travel there is this thought, somewhere, ‘As I’ll meet new people, will it be this time?’

I’m writing this because I’m sure I’m not the only not-yet-married person that goes through this. I want to write to remind us to keep looking up, looking out. We need to keep perspective to not become bitter and discouraged. Because that what it is, no matter what nice label you have given to these two familiar temptations.

Here’s two thoughts I’ve had in this regards. First, the One who ran ahead of us did this knowing He had to postpone His desires for a long time. Its been over 6,000 years since He met his Bride-to-be, born out of the furnace of His love, and then she betrayed Him. It’s been 2,000 years since He went back into darkness and hell to buy her back, without guarantees about her response. And its still not really done yet. He knows about waiting.

Second, without rationalizing my longing for intimacy, I do not want to place all my hopes on that when even greater things are certainly going to come. Life is about more than marriage, a love that goes even beyond that. Remember how worth the wait will be. We will know each other so close that in the world to come there won’t even be husband and wife, as the bonds of love will be closer and deeper and more intimate than any covenant between two people can be in our current broken state. We need covenants to allow us to go as deep and high as possible. This exclusive two-person covenantal relationship provision is the closest we can get to resembling Christ’s love for us. But there is still so much more to discover. Imagine a place where love is so pure, deep, wide and high that covenantal love is possible between billions of creatures and their Creator! Oh, the wisdom, the greatness of who You are! How unthinkable are the things you have in store for us!

I regularly remind my Father of how great I think it would be if I were to have those cute little kids, or teenagers to intensely experience life with, or grown-up children to walk with side by side. I remind Him of what my age will be before I can even have a 20 year old. Let alone grandchildren.

Or I remind Him how much more energized and productive and loving I could live my life if I were not so often alone, battling discouragement, lies and sin that creeps in during those times and makes things even worse. Anyone else relates?

But once in a while all He whispers is: ‘I know. Trust Me. I love you. I’m proud of you.’

These few internship years of preparation in the land of the dying are so worth it compared to the ages of fullness that are coming in the land of the eternal living.  Why would I cling to one of the best fleeting things God has for us when He has already given even better things that will never pass?

Remember. Trust. Lean. Choose to be thankful at all times. Yes, guard that heart of yours, and you will see those wellsprings of life not being blocked, but freely released, merging with the streams of living water from the Eternal One. Joy will come in the morning, once you’ve survived another night. You will reap with joy. Stay in that tension, as your keep asking your Father for that good gift of a companion, but don’t let your heart die in the waiting. You are among the world’s most privileged – and all that is coming from your loving Father is so extravagant that it often takes a few years, yes, even centuries, to unfold.

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2 Reacties to “Hope”

  1. Op november 21, 2013 at 13:47 josee responded with... #

    Heb al lang niet gelezen besef ik, en lees nu dit. Diep onder de indruk van waar je doorheen bent gegaan al deze jaren. Een ontvouwende toekomst – ja, dat is wel leuk als je het vanuit de huidige ‘ontwikkelingen’ bekijkt.. maar dat wist je in juni nog niet! Bedankt voor dit blikje in je hart en ziel. Josee

    • Op november 21, 2013 at 22:16 johan responded with... #

      Dank je Josee!